The blog post I never wanted to write

Tomorrow it will be 2 months since my last run. It will be at least another month before I can run again.

I never knew just how much running meant to me. How much it meant to my body and my head.

What happened you ask?

I wish I knew for certain. I think the bunion on my left foot started bothering me months ago and I ignored it. Then there were other signs … I had to stop in the middle of a run, because I thought there was a pebble in my shoe … another time my forefoot started hurting when I was cruising downhill. At some point it hurt too much and I decided to give in, stop running and have my GP take a look. He is a runner himself, he will understand and I was due to get another bloodtest anyhow.

Off I went … x-rays were taken … then a trip to a sports clinic for an MRI … I received the news that there was no fracture (yay, but I knew that I’m quite slow and careful). I got exercises to strengthen my foot. I did those exercises, but it just got worst … at some point I could not even continue my walks in the morning that kept me on the right side of depression. The bike I had purchased to ride at home with a turbo trainer hurt as well … a bruise appeared on the top of my foot.

So … I got another opinion … this time a physio … who sent me to a podiatrist … and a new diagnosis was found. Morton’s Neuroma! Now that’s at least a fancy name right? I bet if I see someone else, I get even more exotic shit. (Yes I can fucking curse, this is my blog and I cunt run).

Of course the podiatrist says the solution is a fancy pair of orthotics … so far let me tell you, running is way cheaper than not running! All those expert opinions are quite expensive, way more expensive than running shoes.

Anyhow … long story short … I have to realise that if I wake up in the middle of the night, because my fucking foot hurts, I have to keep healing …

I am trying to use this time to get an insanely strong core – I have been doing 50 minutes pilates nearly every day and can now tell you that I do have muscles beneath all those fat layers! To keep my head in check I also started meditating.

Now .. I can’t lie to you … not being able to run is hard on me … probably one of the hardest things I ever had to “not” do. I miss the stars and the moon … the solitude … the freedom … I can feel my world is shrinking …  I miss running until dawn and watching the sunrise. I’m scared it will never be the same …

Yes … I know others are off far worst … I could have xyz … but fuck off this is my blog and if I can’t complain here without someone shuffling shit into my face like “you’ll run soon again” … I have nowhere else to go.

I really did not want to write this post. I’m not myself, if I do not get my running fix in. I know, as you are a runner you understand and get this. Thank you for that!

This is my last post for a while. I will be hiding over at my food blog and try to get to grips with this situation I am in. (If you don’t know the url, drop me an email. If you are on IG, you know where to find my alter ego).

See you hopefully on the other site!